"I don't want to hug the tar baby..." - Tony Snow, May 2006

It seems the White House has made a colorful choice in Tony Snow. He peppers his speech with very interesting turns of phrase.

For example, check out a review of his first appearance in his new position on May 16th.

Hey, Tony.... A public speaking suggestion: Engage brain before putting mouth into gear!

-T

Wonderful new words

... my personal favorites are #s 2 and 9!

-T

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

This year's winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near
future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for any purpose.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's, like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, which gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Lilacs

Most of my childhood was spent in Downers Grove, Illinois. We moved there from Lemont, Illinois between my 3rd and 4th grade of school.

The house on Prairie Avenue had a huge back yard, a giant willow tree, a pool, a goldfish pond -- and lots of old trees and bushes. The area had been a nursery in earlier years and, although the area had been split up into residential one-acre parcels, there were plenty of trees and bushes that still made it seem like a big garden.

My favorite were the lilacs. We had some large, old lilac bushes along the shaded side and back of the house. They didn't flower long, but it was great when mom would bring in some bunches of flowers and put them in a vase on our big dining room table. It meant that we were well into spring, real summer weather was just around the corner, we would soon be on vacation and swimming in the pool again all summer long.

My parents now live in Door County, Wisconsin. A few years ago, after visiting the folks in Wisconsin, I had a few spare hours before catching a plane out of O'Hare back to San Diego. I decided to take a drive out and see the old neighborhood.

Even though I had been forwarned by family members who had seen the new place, it was disturbing to see that the house on Prairie Avenue had been ripped down and replaced with a faux-French chateau. And most of the trees, including the lilacs, were gone -- I guess they hadn't fit in with the new owners' landcaping plans.

Lilacs don't seem to grow in the year-round warmth of San Diego, so it was nice to see them all over Hamburg this past week -- in full bloom and giving off that pleasant early summer fragrance.

And, I start my "summer vacation" shortly! So, it seems lilacs are a sign of summer and vacation once again.

-T

Polar Bears Are Endangered . . . SHOOT 'IM!

So, a hybrid polar/grizzly bear was found in northern Canada, as reported here by BBC. Canadian wildlife officials are now coming up with names for this unusual creature, never before verified in nature -- "pizzly", "grolar bear" or "nanulak", after the Inuit names for polar bear (nanuk) and grizzly bear (aklak). Cute.

But, what no one seems to be mentioning is that the polar bear is an endangered species! So, what was this "American big game hunter" doing up in northern Canada, running around the snow with a guide and a high-powered rifle, shooting and killing what sure as hell looks like a polar bear to me!

Yeah, I like a good steak as much as the next guy. Seafood and chicken and pork are all parts of my balanced diet. And there is a part of my psyche that is disturbed when I think about how the delicious meat ends up on my plate. BUT, there is a real leap between ordering the Grillteller at the next restaurant I visit and flying up to Canada with my guide and entourage to tromp through the snow and fire my rifle at endangered polar bears.

-T

50 Questions

Earlier this week, I received this as an e-mail from Mike (a buddy of mine in San Diego), Tj. and my sister. Both my sister and Tj. said I was the least likely person to answer this -- and they are completely right!

But, I decided I WOULD answer -- AND post it on my blog. So, here goes.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:45
   
2. Diamonds or pearls? Not usually the jewelry type -- diamonds for their cash value?
   
3. What is the last movie you saw in the theatre? Brokeback Mountain
   
4. What are your favorite TV shows? Sopranos, Amazing Race, Survivor, Tatort, Schillerstraße
5. What did you have for breakfast? Sonnenblumenvollkornbrot, Cervelatwurst, Tilsiter Schnittkäse
   
6. What is your middle name? Robert
   
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Thai and Vietnamese
   
8. What foods do you dislike? Did you know they sell horsemeat here in Germany?
   
9. Your favorite potato chip? paprika
   
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Massive Attack - "Mezzanine"
    
11. What kind of car do you drive? Deutsche Bahn and the HVV
    
12. Favorite sandwich? reuben
    
13. What characteristics do you despise? arrogance
    
14. What are your favorite clothes? jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts
    
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? hmm, lots of Europe left to see
    
16. What color is your bathroom? white
    
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Carhartt, Dickies
18. Where would you want to retire to? anywhere warm, on the beach or poolside
    
19. Favorite time of day? after work
    
20. Where were you born? Silver Cross Hospital
    
21. Favorite sport to watch? rugby
22. Who do you least expect to send this back? (not applicable)
23. Person you expect to send it back first? (likewise)
24. Coke or Pepsi? Coke
    
25. Are you a morning person or night owl? night owl -- I'm writing this after midnight!
    
26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? Tj. and Bill arrive in 9 days!
    
27. When you were young what did you want to be when you grew up? a garbage man (really!)
    
28. What is your best childhood memory? summers at Lakeshore Campground in Cross Village, MI
29. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Busy Bee Bakery, Arboretum View Animal Hospital, US Army, Midland Hotel, Executive House Hotel, Warehouse Liquor Mart, Le Meridien, King George Hotel, ANA Hotel, Bristol Hotel, San Diego Convention Center, IKEA
    
30. Nicknames: today, none really. as a kid, some horrible ones!
    
31. Do you have any piercings? nope
    
32. Ever been to Africa? Yes, Morocco
    
33. Pizza toppings? S M O P
    
34. Ever been toilet papering? nope, I left that kinda stuff to my sister
    
35. Been in a car accident? No
    
36. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
    
37. Favorite restaurant? just one? lately, Diodos
38. Favorite flower? lilac (in bloom here right now!)
    
39. Favorite ice cream? anything chocolate
40. Favorite fast food restaurant? here -- any good Döner place; stateside -- In-N-Out
    
41. How many times did you fail your driver's test? hated my driver's ed teacher, but never failed the test
    
42. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Wes in Iraq
    
43. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? somewhere that sold Loewe and Bang & Olufsen
    
44. Bedtime? whenever. . . tonight, 1 a.m.
    
45. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? everyone
    
46. Last person you went to dinner with? Dave - tonight - Döner Kebap
47. What are you listening to right now? Randi Rhodes Show podcast
    
48. What is your favorite color? red
    
49. How many tattoos do you have? none -- but carry the design for one in my wallet
    
50. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? (not applicable)
    

Oddly Enough

My Google home page is host to news headlines from the New York Times, BBC, CNET -- to name a few.

(It's actually getting pretty cluttered, what with the other boxes showing updated weather in Hamburg, San Diego and Sturgeon Bay, a box that shows recently received Gmail, another listing the recent "How To" Of The Day from Wikihow.com, Word of the Day, Quote of the Day, etc. Hmmm, it might be time for a spring cleaning...?)

But, even though there are important headlines from around the world right in front of me, I always seem to look at the Reuters Oddly Enough headlines first!

Check out two of my favorites from today.

The first one is about the apparent penchant the Chinese have for spitting in public places and how the government in China is tryint to dissuade them from continuing this practice, in light of the upcoming Olympics in Beijing in 2008.

The next one is from Reuters' Berlin bureau. Apparently a brothel in Berlin has found a lucrative niche market, catering to men who are either new to brothels or new to the product they offer.

Yes, we have to keep track of the serious goings-on in the world today -- but sometimes you've just got to relax and laugh!

English Theatre

Got an invite this week from my buddy Dave to attend the opening performance of Bad Blood at Hamburg's English Theatre with him. The show was tonight, and I'm very glad we went.

I've been battling a little cold since returning from Berlin, and I was afraid my coughing would disturb the other theatergoers, so I had a fresh pack of Fisherman's Friends in my pocket (went through half of the lozenges) -- I don't think my coughing was THAT annoying, was it, Dave? (I only got one nasty look from a blue-hair in front of me -- and I felt an evil sense of joy in the second act when the friend sitting next to her also began coughing!)

The play was interesting. A definite thriller with a lot of emotional tension. There were some plot twists, some violence, some difficult relationship issues. Very interesting -- and very well acted by the cast. I have to admit, I expected something more along the lines of community theater -- a la the Blaine, Missouri residents in Waiting for Guffman. But I couldn't have been more wrong -- these five actors did a wonderful, professional job!

So, hats off to: Julian Agnew, Venetia Deane, Michael Garland, Holly Weston and Ben Wigzell. Thanks for a great performance and I look forward to your next production.

-T

Bavaria North

Six of us are traveling to Berlin Friday morning for the four-day Easter
weekend. So, in order to get us all in a road-trip mood, our buddies
Andreas and Maik had us over for a 'Berlin-Starter' evening.

For those of you familiar with the state flags of Germany, you'll notice
that the table is bedecked not with the flag of Berlin, but rather with
Bavarian colors. I am glad that the guys decided to have a Bavarian themed
dinner -- can't imagine a Berlin-themed meal. (How much currywurst and
jelly-filled donuts can you really eat before you get ill!)

So, thanks to Andreas and Maik for the festive start to a great weekend!!

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones . . .

I've fallen a bit behind on my blogging. Hope to have a few more entries here before heading to Berlin for the coming Easter weekend.

In the meantime, take a look at these links and judge Judge Farris for yourself....

Underneath Their Robes

"I think marriage is a bundle of sticks and sticks include procreation." -- Judge Jerome Farris

[whhhhhhaaa -- huh???!??? "Sticks include procreation." Hey, Jerome. You've really got a way with words. Do you mind if I borrow that line?]

So, what is it with this guy and sticks, branches and other woody stalks?

And I guess we should contact all the elderly couples in the world. If these loving couples are just enjoying their final years together and no longer having sex, then they need to know that Judge Farris frowns upon this type of wood-free relationship.

-T

København Hovedbanegård (Copenhagen Main Station)

Well, the trip to Sweden was basically a loss.... Our database programmer
from Munich fell ill, no one called/e-mailed/SMSed me, and I ended up in
Sweden with no meeting to attend!

I did use the time to meet with our corporate IT coordinator. We're working
on a new Service Level Agreement and we spent the time discussing some of
the details.

After work on Tuesday, I hiked around the woods north of town. There's a
big lake and I seemed to have the entire shore all to myself. It was very
relaxing.

So, instead of staying in Sweden until Thursday or Friday, I left Wednesday
morning. I caught the early train and rode through southern Sweden as a
spring snowfall hit the forests and towns along the route. The birches and
pines were beautiful covered with a heavy dusting of snow.

I arrived in Copenhagen at about 09:00. Since this was a travel day anyway,
I decided to spend a few hours in Copenhagen -- one of my favorite cities.

This wasn't the best day to wander around, as the weather was all over the
place. Rain, sleet, hail, snow, wind -- and even a few minutes of sunshine.
Temps hovered around freezing all day -- and still I enjoyed my few hours
in CPH.

Tonight, after arriving in HH (Hansestadt Hamburg), I'll be meeting my
buddy Dave at Cafe Uhrlaub for a bite to eat and some good conversation.
Then, back to work tomorrow morning.

So, click the Travel Photos link on the right and see some of the things I
saw -- I should have some new pix up before bed tonight!

-T

Off to Sweden

I'm catching the train to Sweden in the morning -- just one of the perks of working for a Swedish company. So, there may or may not be much blogging from afar. I can now blog and send pictures from my phone. But, on my first trip to Sweden last year (before I knew better), I was hit with a massive data access charge on my phone bill. So, unless I find a few minutes to send a message or two, you won't hear from me before Friday.

It's my fourth trip now to the company headquarters, so I've got it down to a routine. Catch the train to Copenhagen. Bring snacks and reading material -- and my iPod filled with podcasts and music.

Here's where it gets weird. Just when you get settled in and the train seems to be moving along just fine on rails, it decides it's had enough and boards the ferry. Seriously. The train rolls out of the station in Puttgarden, the ferry opens up a wide hatch and the train just rolls on into the ferry.

The ferry ride takes about 30-40 minutes. Just enough time to get out for a breath of fresh air and enjoy the view of the Baltic Sea. We dock on the Denmark side and continue, again on rails, to Copenhagen.

Arrive at Copenhagen and find where your connecting train is leaving from (usually Track 5.) Then off to the land of squirrel and moose. (Again, seriously. Lots of squirrel and I saw not one but TWO moose on my very first trip up to Sweden.)

Not much to do in the town I'm heading to. It's small and definitely a company town. But, it's beautiful and peaceful. Although I will have some busy days filled with meetings, I'm guaranteed to come back well-rested.

Praise Be to the Noodly Appendage

While browsing YouTube (a video sharing site) and looking for travel videos of Hamburg, I came across this small gem. (You have to sign up for the site, but it is free and there really are some interesting videos linked at YouTube.)

Now, I had just seen a reference earlier in the week to a Noodly Appendage on the Leo German<>English dictionary site. I wasn't quite sure what was being referred to. Sometimes, later in the Leo entries (after someone's obscure question about split infinitives or the correct use of the genitive after some archaic preposition has been answered) -- well, sometimes people tend to get a bit . . . off track . . . on Leo. I enjoy reading the Leo forums -- and even participate sometimes -- because the people active on that site speak German and English, are interested in languages, share cultural experiences with each other, etc. But, like any group of eggheads, they (we?) can go off on tangents occasionally.

So, when someone mentioned "FSM" and "Noodly Appendages" in his post, I just breezed over it, chalked it up to someone enjoying too much coffee (or some stronger beverage), and continued to read more about the dative being the death of the German genitive, or some such topic.

Now, I find this video.... Still, didn't have a clue what it was about -- but, now I had seen two references to spaghetti in one week -- and each from a very different source. My curiosity was piqued. (And I was getting hungry.)

A bit of googling and I find that it all leads back to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Wikipedia says: "The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the subject of a satirical religion created by Bobby Henderson in 2005 to protest the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution."

Reading through the site, I see Bobby Henderson and I have a bit in common. He's not a fan of ID. (ID in this case being the theory of "Intelligent Design/Bearded Man Created Everything", not the product available in Juicy, Millenium, Pleasure, Sensation, Cream and Glide). And he has a sense of humor about religion that may upset younger viewers.

Two of my favorite parts of the site:

WHY YOU SHOULD CONVERT TO FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTERISM

• Flimsy moral standards.
• Every friday is a relgious holiday. If your work/school objects to that, demand your religious beliefs are respected and threaten to call the ACLU.
• Our heaven is WAY better. We've got a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano.

and

• You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

Bobby's point being: if you feel compelled to present ID to the country's schoolchildren, alongside (or, FSM forbid, instead of) the rational, scientific theory of evolution, then you MUST also include the Pastafarians' view of the world.

AMEN -- and pass the Parmesan (or my new favorite, Grana Padano)!

-T

76er-Denkmal am Dammtor

Turns out I took this picture March 12, 2006 -- just three days before the 70th anniversary of the 76er-Denkmal am Dammtor.

This is a very large, very militaristic sculpture near the Dammtor train station. It was unveiled on the 15th of March, 1936 with much nationalistic fanfare. Remember, about this time, the Nazis were building up their military in a big way -- and this was the perfect symbol to rally around.

I believe the artist, Richard Kuöhl, had some real issues -- here is a collage showing some of his other works in and around Hamburg.

Since the war, there has been much controversy about what to do with the sculpture. Destroy it? Remove the nationalistic poem chiseled in relief on its surface? One step that was agreed upon was to erect a "counter-sculpture" just a few feet away. It shows, in very modern abstract style, the horrors of war. This sculpture is by Alfred Hrdlicka.

One hardly notices Mr. Hrdlicka's piece, as it is very much overshadowed by this impressive, disturbing relic from the 1930s....

-T

["Hello, Herr Schlender? This is the Office of Tourism. Is that snow in your picture of the monument...?"]

False Impression

I realized my first post might make this city seem dark, cold and eternally snow-covered. This is simply not true.

Hamburg is a beautiful city. One of its most appealing features is the waterfront. The Elbe allows Hamburg to be 120 kilometers (about 75 miles) inland and still be Germany's largest port. In the photo you see the Michel, officially known as Sankt Michaelis, as well as the bright green of the Rickmer Rickmers, the museum ship, built in 1896 in Bremerhaven.

Anyone who visits Hamburg should take one of the many available tours of the harbor and see the city from a different point of view.

-T

["Ouch! OK, I wrote the upbeat blog entry just like you asked! Now take the thumbscrews off, get out of my apartment and take the U-Bahn back to the Office of Tourism. And, yes, I promise not to post any more pictures of Hamburg in the snow, rain, or with ice anywhere in the foreground!"]